Intro
Welcome to Soulful Jewish Living: Mindful Practices for Every Day with me, Josh Feigelson.
I’m grateful you’re here, and I hope you benefit from our time together.
So much of our lives depend on words and language. They’re the primary way most of us interact with other people and even with the things in the world.
But I think today we’re in a real crisis of language—among the Jews and in society at large. We’re living through a time when words often feel like they’ve lost their meaning, when it’s like we can’t seem to agree on basic definitions.
I mean, I could be cute and talk about how kids I know (not naming names) will say “my teacher yelled at me,” when what they really mean is that they got a bit of negative feedback. Or about how teenagers use the expression “low-key” in a way that I find completely incomprehensible.
But the real crisis, I think, is in the way so many of us say things on social media without thinking about them. We parrot talking points or messages we picked up on TikTok. We write and say things like it’s a reflex, without thinking, without being mindful. And that’s to say nothing of our political leaders. While most politicians throughout history have had, let’s say, an elastic relationship with the truth, today it seems like folks feel emboldened to just say whatever comes to their minds without thinking or caring about the consequences.
Okay, end rant. Breathe, Josh, breathe.
The reason I think I get worked up about this is because Judaism takes language so seriously. According to the Torah, the world was created through language: “God said, let there be light–and there was light.” Our holiest day of the year, Yom Kippur, begins with a prayer, Kol Nidre, that’s all about releasing us from the unfulfilled promises and vows we might have made—because our words create promises, and to have failed in fulfilling our promises is a friggin’ big deal. People get married and divorced through words; we create new ideas and songs through words.
The Torah has so many good teachings about mindful speech. We’re taught not to spread false rumors. We’re taught to keep our distance from lies. And we’re also taught to speak up—mindfully, wisely, but courageously—when we see something wrong that needs to be repaired.
Words are holy, holy things for Jews. So it causes your rabbi here some pain when it feels like words are becoming cheap.
Okay, so what can we do about it? In one of our special episodes soon after October 7, 2023, I shared an approach to mindful speech, and I want to re-up it here. It’s actually based on a lesson from Buddhism, called the five qualities of right speech—and I think it’s an amazing framework for helping us live out the Jewish value of shemirat hadibbur, or mindful speech.
This approach is often formulated as five questions to ask yourself before speaking. Here they are:
1. Are these words timely? Is now the right time to speak them? Will they be heard by the people who need to hear them? Are they open to receiving them?
2. Are they true? Do I actually know that what I’m saying is true, or am I making assumptions? If someone asked me, “How do you know that’s true?” do I have an answer I really trust?
3. Are they gentle? So many of our words today–especially on social media–are spoken harshly, as though the goal is to score points. But those are points in a meaningless game. If you want to be listened to and taken seriously, my experience tells me that most of the time, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Speak gently.
4. Are they beneficial? Can I craft my words to be helpful rather than harmful? Will they lead to an alleviation of suffering–for myself and for others?
And finally,
5. Are they spoken with goodwill? Am I speaking these words with a sense in my heart that I genuinely want what is best for those to whom I’m speaking? Even if they may not be people I love, can I wish them goodwill–and can my words reflect that?
To review:
Are these words timely?
Are they true?
Are they gentle?
Are they beneficial?
And, are they spoken with goodwill?
These are questions to ask yourself during moments of quiet reflection. I’ve found they help me restrain some of my own lesser impulses. While I definitely still make mistakes, I find that having these questions front of mind helps my speech–in person and online—to be, I hope, a bit wiser and more mindful. You might even consider writing them on a piece of paper near your computer or on the back of your phone, just as a regular reminder. Try it, and let me know how it goes.
Blessings for the journey. Know that I’m on it with you.
ENDING
Thank you for joining us for Soulful Jewish Living: Mindful Practices for Every Day, a production of Unpacked, a brand of OpenDor Media, and the Institute for Jewish Spirituality. This episode is sponsored by Jonathan and Kori Kalafer and the Somerset Patriots: The Bridgewater, NJ-based AA Affiliate of the New York Yankees. If you like this show, subscribe, share this episode with a friend, give us five stars on Apple Podcasts. Check out our website, unpacked.media for everything Unpacked-related, and subscribe to our other podcasts, and check out the Institute for Jewish Spirituality. Most importantly, be in touch–about what you heard today, what you’d like to hear more about, or to dedicate an episode. Write to me at josh@unpacked.media.
This episode was hosted by me, Rabbi Josh Feigelson. Audio was edited by Rob Pera and we’re produced by Rivky Stern. Thanks for joining us.