Welcome to Soulful Jewish Living: Mindful Practices for Every Day with me, Josh Feigelson.
I’m grateful you’re here, and I hope you benefit from our time together.
My wife and I spent our honeymoon in Italy. The Amalfi Coast, then Florence, and finally on to Venice, one of the most romantic cities in the world. The canals, the bridges, the gondolas, the pigeons… It was everything we imagined.
And yet, I remember at one point standing on a bridge looking down as another couple (maybe on their own honeymoon) were riding in one of those romantic gondolas… and the husband was watching his camera as he recorded the whole thing. Like, the dude was missing the actual experience so that he could record it and… what, watch it later? I remember thinking, my man, no one—not you, not your wife, not your in-laws, not your kids—no one is going to watch this video. And in the meantime, you’re not actually present for this beautiful memory in the making. Oy. It still pains me to think of it.
I thought of that moment in Venice the other day when I read an article by my friend Rabbi Ira Bedzow in Psychology Today. Ira wrote about how our social media culture, and particularly the phenomenon of social comparison, has made a lot of folks more unhappy. What is social comparison? It’s the way we judge ourselves against the standard of what we see on social media—a carefully curated version of life that our online friends show us, rather than the messier, more complicated version of life that’s actually going on.
But Ira points out that there’s even more to it. Here’s how he puts it: “We’re searching for moments to share with our online friends, rather than sharing life’s moments with our IRL friends.” And that means that, quote, “we pursue external markers with the hope that happiness will follow.” In other words, instead of being present and happy in what’s happening right now, we’re playing to a camera all the time. We’re like that dude in the gondola missing life as it’s happening—and then feeling crappy about it later.
This is the third episode in our miniseries on mindfulness and money. And I raise this issue of social comparison because I think it’s such an important and pervasive part of how many of us experience money today. For some of us, money can be a yardstick of measuring self-worth: How much we make, how expensive our clothes or cars or vacations are—we allow these things to become the way we think of ourselves. We compare ourselves to our friends, or even to other randos on social media, and feel like if we don’t have what they have, or don’t do the things they do, then we’re just not very successful or our lives just aren’t very good.
And so a lot of folks get on a path—school, careers, social life—that they think is supposed to make them rich, and thus make them happy, only to discover that it really doesn’t do that. As Ira says in his piece, if you really want to address doomscrolling or mindless acquisition, you’ve got to get clear on the underlying issue: boredom, loneliness, a desire for connection—that is, stuff money can’t buy (though it doesn’t necessarily hurt, either).
One of the most beautiful parts of Jewish liturgy is a list of blessings we say in the morning. While today they’re usually recited in the synagogue, the Talmud says they were originally said as folks got out of bed and ready for the day. We thank God for helping us be upright, for removing the sleep from our eyes, for giving strength to the weary.
One of the blessings thanks God for providing us with all our needs: sheasah li kol tzorki. And here’s a fascinating nugget: This blessing was recited as we put on our shoes. Think about that. Why shoes? Maybe because a pair of shoes is so basic—and yet, we know, so essential. Shoes help us move through the world. To say this blessing is to acknowledge that, at this very moment, I have the ‘footing’ I need to take the next step in my own life—not the life of the person in the gondola next to me.
So here’s a short meditation practice to try.
If you’re sitting, feel the weight of your feet pressing into the floor. If you’re walking, notice the sensation of your shoes meeting the ground—the texture, the pressure, the support.
This blessing, She’asah li kol tsorki, is a physical reminder that, right now, you have exactly what you need to take one single step.
As you breathe, notice if your mind starts to drift toward that ‘gondola’—that curated, recorded version of someone else’s life. You might feel a slight tug of envy or a sense of “not enough.” Don’t judge that feeling. Just notice it as a passing thought, like a boat drifting by on a canal. Gently acknowledge that pull, and then bring your focus back to the physical reality of your own body, right here.
On your next inhale, you might say to yourself: I have what I need for this step.
On the exhale, see if you can let go of the comparison: I am exactly where I am.
Inhale: I have what I need.
Exhale: I am exactly where I am.
Take one more deep breath and offer a word of gratitude: Thank you, Holy One, She’asah li kol tsorki. You have the footing for your own journey, and no one else’s. You don’t need to compare yourself to anyone else; you are here, and you have exactly what you need right now.
Blessings for the journey. Know that I’m on it with you.
Thank you for joining us for Soulful Jewish Living: Mindful Practices for Every Day, a production of Unpacked, a brand of OpenDor Media, and the Institute for Jewish Spirituality. This episode is sponsored by Jonathan and Kori Kalafer and the Somerset Patriots: The Bridgewater, NJ-based AA Affiliate of the New York Yankees. If you like this show, subscribe, share this episode with a friend, give us five stars on Apple Podcasts. Check out our website, unpacked.media for everything Unpacked-related, and subscribe to our other podcasts, and check out the Institute for Jewish Spirituality. Most importantly, be in touch–about what you heard today, what you’d like to hear more about, or to dedicate an episode. Write to me at josh@unpacked.media.
This episode was hosted by me, Rabbi Josh Feigelson. Audio was edited by Rob Pera and we’re produced by Rivky Stern. Thanks for joining us.