Welcome to Soulful Jewish Living: Mindful Practices for Every Day with me, Josh Feigelson.
I’m grateful you’re here, and I hope you benefit from our time together.
The first executive coach I ever worked with was a wonderful guy named Dennis. He was an alum of Northwestern, where I was the Hillel rabbi, and he decided that one of the ways he wanted to give back was by donating his coaching services. I was glad for the help.
Now it may surprise you to know that, back in the day, one of the things I really needed to work on was generosity. Now, maybe you think of me as all about the gratitude and the blessings and the mindfulness. But Dennis figured out something about young Josh, and he had some really great advice. Instead of focusing on what I wanted to get out of a given situation or relationship, I should try focusing on what I could give. A mindset shift.
So I tried it out. In a conversation with a student, I’d ask myself, “What can I give this student right now?” When I was talking to my wife, or with a friend, or the cashier at the grocery store, I’d ask the same question. By making this kavvanah, this intention, I wound up gradually changing my behavior. I realized I was a little less guarded, a little more open, and a little more emotionally available (which was something the students especially wanted).
The moment I remember the best from this period was when I was at a small conference. There were about 30 of us in the room, and someone was giving a presentation and was just… bombing. Like, it was really bad. Folks started getting uncomfortable, checking their phones surreptitiously under the table, trying to be any place but in the room. But I had Dennis’s question in my head: “What can I give?” And I decided, you know what, I can give this person my attention. Bad enough that they have to feel awful about their presentation; the least I can do is try to listen. I honestly don’t remember what it was about, but I felt better because I was able to access my own generosity.
This is the fourth episode in our miniseries on money, and today I want to focus on what I think is one of the greatest things we can do with money, which is give it away.
This isn’t a natural feeling for everyone. In 2025, only half of American adults donated money to charity. Of course, not everyone is in a position to donate. But even, or maybe even especially, among those who are, there seem to be issues. Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk, and a lot of other folks could afford to give away the vast majority of their fortunes and still have more than enough to live on (and more than you or I will earn in our lifetimes)–and yet something keeps them from doing so.
Those somethings could be similar to what you or I might worry about: Am I going to have enough when I stop working? If I have kids, will I be able to leave them something as an inheritance? Or they might have a hard time imagining how to understand themselves as something other than someone who earns money.
Whatever it is, I’m here to say that I think these forces are natural. They’re human. We want to hold on, especially when we’re afraid or facing the unknown. But the Torah encourages not just to be generous, but also to do the deeper spiritual work of letting go—which is what allows us not just to give, but to give and feel good about it.
The Torah offers us a specific, physical counter-measure to this instinct. The book of Deuteronomy tells us that we should open our hands to those in need. But the way that it says that is unusual: patoach tiftach et yadcha. It repeats the idea of poteach, open—as though it’s saying, Open open your hand.
The Sfat Emet, one of the great Hasidic teachers of the nineteenth century, teaches that this double language is there because there are actually two barriers to giving. The first is the physical hand. We literally have to open it up. But the second, and much deeper barrier, is the “closedness” we might feel within ourselves. He writes that when we open our hand to give, we aren’t just moving money; we’re opening the heart. He suggests that the act of giving actually creates an opening in our soul that wasn’t there before. By opening our hand, we unlock a sense of openness within us that allows us to connect to something much larger than our own fears.
I think this is an amazing teaching, and I want to offer you a short embodied practice to try it out.
First, just take a moment to breathe. Come to a rest. Allow yourself to arrive.
Now, if this is something you can do, take your dominant hand and squeeze it into a tight fist. Feel the tension in your knuckles, your wrist, even up into your forearm. This is the physical manifestation of “holding on.” It’s the posture of scarcity—the feeling that if we let go, we lose. Notice how much energy it takes just to stay closed.
Now, take a slow, deep breath in through your nose. As you exhale through your mouth, I want you to slowly—finger by finger—unfurl that fist. One finger. Then another. Then another until your palm is open.
Let your hand rest now, palm facing upward, completely open.
What do you notice?
It might be a feeling a vulnerability. An open hand can’t defend itself as well as a fist. But there might also be a sense lightness, and inner sense of openness that wasn’t there before. This is the posture of Patoach Tiftach–open, open. In this state, you aren’t just capable of giving; you are also capable of receiving.
When we practice this opening, we’re telling our nervous systems that we’re safe. We’re training ourselves to believe that the world is a place of flow, not just a place of loss. And when we do that, we can giving becomes a spiritual act in which we can receive the care, love, and presence of others.
Blessings for the journey. Know that I’m on it with you.
Thank you for joining us for Soulful Jewish Living: Mindful Practices for Every Day, a production of Unpacked, a brand of OpenDor Media, and the Institute for Jewish Spirituality. This episode is sponsored by Jonathan and Kori Kalafer and the Somerset Patriots: The Bridgewater, NJ-based AA Affiliate of the New York Yankees. If you like this show, subscribe, share this episode with a friend, give us five stars on Apple Podcasts. Check out our website, unpacked.media for everything Unpacked-related, and subscribe to our other podcasts, and check out the Institute for Jewish Spirituality. Most importantly, be in touch–about what you heard today, what you’d like to hear more about, or to dedicate an episode. Write to me at josh@unpacked.media.
This episode was hosted by me, Rabbi Josh Feigelson. Audio was edited by Rob Pera and we’re produced by Rivky Stern. Thanks for joining us.