In December 2017, I met a man named John who, at the time, was not Jewish. Meeting him changed my life. Because of our journey together, I eventually created an Instagram platform with over 33,000 followers that has, to date, guided over 300 people through their conversion journeys. Along the way, I’ve also come to understand the many misconceptions and stigmas surrounding converts, and therefore, the must-know information everyone needs to know about the conversion process to Judaism.
Our story
John was part of a trip for DePaul University students sponsored by the Jewish Federation of Chicago. The purpose of the trip was to learn about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and bring those experiences back to campus. I was an Israeli student participating in one of the educational panels during the trip. At the time, our interaction was brief, and we simply became Facebook friends.
A few months later, in March, I happened to be in the United States, where John and I reconnected at a conference. From there, we started texting and speaking more regularly while I was in Israel and he was in Chicago. I shared stories about my life and my Modern Orthodox experiences, while he shared about his college life. As time went on, our conversations deepened. What began as an interesting connection slowly became something much more meaningful, and I realized I had developed feelings for him.
So in May 2018, I finally told him how I felt, but I was also honest that if we were going to build a future together, he would need to convert to Judaism. His response was simple: “I know.”
By that point, we had spent countless hours discussing my life, practices, beliefs, and love for Jewish life. Through those conversations, he already knew what the next steps would need to be. The very next day, I connected him to a rabbi in Chicago who became his sponsor rabbi for the conversion process.
A little over a year later, John finished his conversion. Three months after that, we got married.
Today, we have been married for six and a half years, are raising two beautiful daughters, and live in Jerusalem. Our journey ultimately became the foundation for the primary work I do now: helping others navigate the deeply personal, emotional, and often misunderstood and confusing path of conversion to Judaism.
The Instagram page
In 2020, my pandemic project was opening an Instagram page. At first, the purpose was to share the unique situations John and I encountered because he was a convert, particularly in interactions with extended family.
Over time, however, I found myself hearing from more and more people online who were interested in conversion and wanted guidance, clarity, or simply someone to talk to. Many had no idea what the process actually looked like, and what surprised me most was that many born Jews did not know either. So when someone reached out to them and asked what the steps looked like, they more often than not provided misinformation that was not only inaccurate but sometimes genuinely harmful.
I heard stories like the nanny in New York whose observant Jewish employers told her that she could convert, but she would never get married within the community. On many different occasions, Jews warned potential converts that rabbis were required to reject them three times before they could officially begin the process. Or the many different occasions when potential converts were told they need to know everything about Judaism and practice every aspect before reaching out to a rabbi or synagogue.
None of these assumptions are universally true, and in many cases, they can discourage sincere people from even beginning the process.
Through my account, my purpose was to educate about Judaism generally, guiding people on their Jewish journeys. But a central part of that always was providing clarification and guidance about the conversion process to Judaism, not only to those who are interested in the process, but also to Jews who otherwise would not know what the process entails.
What does conversion to Judaism look like?
The conversion process differs depending on the country, community, and denomination. An Orthodox conversion process in Europe, for example, may look somewhat different from one in the U.S. or Australia. The outline below reflects the Orthodox conversion process as I have personally experienced and observed it.
1) Find a sponsor rabbi
Anyone interested in converting needs to find a synagogue within a reasonable distance from where they live. In some cases, relocation may eventually become necessary to join a Jewish community that can support the process.
A potential convert then reaches out to a rabbi, schedules a meeting, and expresses their interest in Judaism and conversion. Following this, they would be encouraged to start attending services regularly, reading introductory Jewish texts, and gradually taking Jewish practices upon themselves.
Many think that this is the point they will hear three “no’s” from a rabbi, and in general, that is not common practice, though many rabbis may initially encourage a candidate to reflect deeply on their decision.
In some European communities, individuals may be required to attend services for an entire year before proceeding to the next step in the process. Occasionally, some rabbis definitely need to be nudged by an additional email, phone call, or physical meeting to properly begin the process.
2) Submit an application to the Beit Din (Rabbinic Council)
Even though community involvement is essential for an individual’s process, the formal conversion is ultimately overseen by a Beit Din, or rabbinical court, which evaluates and approves the process.
When submitting the application, the sponsor rabbi plays a critical role as they are effectively vouching for the sincerity, commitment, and character of the convert. Submitting an application to the Beit Din is an important turning point because it officially begins the conversion process. Before this point, the individual is generally considered to be in the ‘exploration’ stage. While it’s still very important, it is not part of the official process.
Unfortunately, some rabbis do gatekeep and unintentionally or intentionally delay this step in the process. Over the years, I have had to recommend more than once that individuals find a new sponsor rabbi.
3) Begin curriculum and immersion in the community
Every community is different in its process, but in general, at this point, one will receive a formal curriculum once the candidate officially begins.
This includes assigned books to read, meetings with rabbis, attending particular courses and classes, and expected Jewish knowledge and practice. Candidates are generally expected to attend Shabbat and holiday services regularly, which usually includes being hosted by Jewish families for Shabbat and holiday meals as well
Some batei din have structured meetings throughout the process. Most are three formal evaluations, while others, like the Melbourne Beit Din, may require as many as seven.
It is important to note that the process is very personal and individualized. The more a person studies, participates, and immerses themself in Jewish life, the more they learn and the more naturally and efficiently the process tends to progress.
No one is expected to just begin the process, knowing and practicing everything about Judaism.
For example, at the start of his journey, John didn’t know what the words ‘kiddush’ (blessing on wine or grape juice for Shabbat) or ‘minchah’ (the afternoon prayer) meant. That didn’t reflect a lack of seriousness — it is the purpose of the process: to immerse further in Judaism, to learn more, and to see if it fits the life the potential converts envision for themselves. At any point, they are able to stop and say that it is not for them.
4) Completing the process
The process ends when the Beit Din determines that the candidate has developed a deep knowledge of Jewish law and a sincere commitment and obligation to a Torah-observant life centered around mitzvot (the 613 commandments given by God to the Jews in the Torah).
To formally complete the conversion, both women and men immerse in a mikveh, a Jewish ritual bath. When relevant, men have to go through circumcision, or a ‘hatafat dam brit,’ basically a symbolic circumcision by pricking if already circumcised, before their mikveh immersion.
Shavuot and ‘loving the convert’
The Torah commands us 36 times to “love the convert.” I think that today, this mitzvah can take so many different forms.
First of all, it means that if someone reaches out to you and is interested in converting, Jews should help guide them in the right direction. Often, the first step is connecting them to a sponsor rabbi, as it’s so important to provide correct information.
It also means that during the process, one should actually provide guidance and tips. Offer a book recommendation, invite them for a Shabbat or holiday meal, or offer to help with Hebrew or learning Jewish practices. Observant Jews have so much to offer that can make the process feel less isolating and overwhelming for someone new to Jewish life.
And once they are done with their conversion, one should not remind a convert about their past. We learn this from Rabbeinu Gershom, the 10th-century rabbi, who came out with a takanah, or rabbinic ruling, on this. After the long process they have gone through, questioning converts’ intentions, delegitimizing the process they went through, or actively not recognizing converts as Jews, is not only hurtful, it is absolutely a chilul hashem, a desecration of God’s name.
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I have been asked multiple times online how John’s conversion was legitimate because it seems that it was for marriage, as that is what happened shortly after he completed his conversion.
My answer is always the same: I was just the trigger and the spark, but his soul was meant to convert to Judaism.
Framing his journey as merely “converting for marriage” does not recognize the process, work, and effort conversion requires. John was living in Chicago while I was in Israel, and he went to the synagogue every Shabbat and holiday on his own. He learned Hebrew independently. He studied and began to practice mitzvot and prayers, a whole new lifestyle. He missed family events and celebrations because of Shabbat and holidays, and constantly had to explain the new boundaries and commitments that he was taking upon himself.
As we enter Shavuot and honor Ruth, Judaism’s first convert whose story we read on the holiday, we remember that all Jewish souls received the Torah at Mount Sinai, including those who would one day choose Judaism.
I hope that many more think seriously about what “loving the convert” really means: providing support, being welcoming and encouraging, and not questioning.
I feel incredibly blessed to have guided over 300 people so far on their Jewish journeys, and I think of all those who went through this process with effort, bravery, dedication, and love of Am Yisrael (the nation of Israel) and Torat Yisrael (the Torah of Israel).
Chag Shavuot Sameach!
If you or someone you know would like to consult with me further about this process, please feel free to share more with me in this form, and I will get back to you.
